Monthly Archives: October 2012

Mesut Özil: Boot Ban Buffoonery

adidas. Image via botasdejugadores.

A few months ago, Real Madrid and Germany midfielder Mesult Ozil committed an act of flagrant adultery. In public. On a football pitch. He’s just been called out on it.

What do you mean, you didn’t know?

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Lance Armstrong: He Got Game

A rare photo of Lance Armstrong that does not also include someone who now wants to sue him. Image: S. Savi/Getty Images North America.

The New Statesman has identified similarities between Lance Armstrong’s ‘sophisticated and systematic‘ approach to doping and a strand of Game Theory called ‘Stackelberg’.

Whether it will also prove functional in prison, where Mr Armstrong is likely to end up if he can’t pay back the millions of dollars he received for winning the Tour De France seven times, is not known at this time.

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Bafetimbi Gomis: Hold It! There’s A Perfectly Plausible Explanation For All This

Image via

Don’t panic, peeps. You are not witnessing another alleged incident of ‘aggravated pimping‘ involving members of the French national team. It’s just Bafetimbi Gomis celebrating his winner for Lyon vs. Brest.

Or so he claims, anyway.

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The Weekend In Football: Anarchy In The UK & Beyond

Are you offended by this gesture? Please email your complaint to  Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

Only in football can the refusal to wear a t-shirt cause more of a furore than a fan running onto the pitch during a televised game and heroically smacking the unsuspecting opposition ‘keeper in the face.

Here’s our round-up of the European leagues, with a generous side of scorn and a hot, lemon scented towel.

You’ll need that.

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Orlando Cruz: Pride Of Puerto Rico

Image: J. Meric/Getty Images.

Orlando Cruz has won his first bout since revealing to the world he is gay – the first active boxer to do so.

The featherweight beat Puerto Rican Jorge Pazos in a unanimous decision by judges in Kissimmee, Florida, retaining his WBO Latino Featherweight belt and potentially putting himself in the frame for a world title fight.

A tough enough target at the best of times, we fancy, but his decision to reveal his sexuality can only have heaped more pressure on his career as he now carries the hopes and dreams of gay athletes everywhere. Failure is not an option.

He obviously backs himself to do it. So do we.

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Neymar: Safety First

Dear Neymar,

Congrats on your 200th appearance for Santos. Might we be so bold as to offer a word of advice or two regarding your next 200?

  • We’re all waiting with bated breath for you to sign a contract with a European club, which will almost certainly (if reports are to be believed) be with Real Madrid or Barcelona. In the unlikely event that you do sign for an English club though, never, ever attempt to rainbow flick a defender as you did last night against Atlético Mineiro. The consequences of doing so in front of the likes of Vincent Kompany & Tony Hibbert cannot be explained fully in a family weblog, but you could try YouTubing ‘skinny, fleet of foot youth runs headlong into mincer’ if you would like a rough idea. Suffice to say, it won’t be pretty.
  • Don’t wear black panties under white shorts (0:43). We’d have thought that would have been obvious to a man with your sartorial record.



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World Cup Qualifiers: Apologies In Advance

Image: Denis Doyle/Getty Images Europe.

There was something in the air that night, Cabaye’s uptight, Fernando.

Joe Hart: Most Wanted

Image: Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

You wish, Arsene. You wish.

Ashley Cole: Submersible Stealth Mission

Image: Chris Jackson/Getty Images Europe.

It took a while, but eventually the FA authorities found somewhere to put Ashley Cole to prevent him from tweeting his opinion when meeting the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge.

If only they’d thought to check he was wearing swimming trunks before the Duchess began her approach.

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