Neymar: Safety First

Dear Neymar,

Congrats on your 200th appearance for Santos. Might we be so bold as to offer a word of advice or two regarding your next 200?

  • We’re all waiting with bated breath for you to sign a contract with a European club, which will almost certainly (if reports are to be believed) be with Real Madrid or Barcelona. In the unlikely event that you do sign for an English club though, never, ever attempt to rainbow flick a defender as you did last night against AtlĂ©tico Mineiro. The consequences of doing so in front of the likes of Vincent Kompany & Tony Hibbert cannot be explained fully in a family weblog, but you could try YouTubing ‘skinny, fleet of foot youth runs headlong into mincer’ if you would like a rough idea. Suffice to say, it won’t be pretty.
  • Don’t wear black panties under white shorts (0:43). We’d have thought that would have been obvious to a man with your sartorial record.



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