AC Milan: Reaching For New Heights

While AC Milan’s on pitch prowess has suffered with the loss of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, it seems that those left behind are making the most of their new found freedom. The big man is well known for dominating a dressing room, mainly by crushing the life out of everyone else with his own vast ego, but despite his rather unfortunate habit of karate kicking people in the face, other players looked up to him for his incredible goal scoring prowess.

Or maybe just because he’s really tall.

In his absence we are forced to believe the latter. Y’see, the only man who has come close to filling those vast boots since Zlatan went to France is Stephan El Shaarawy. He’s scored 10 league goals so far this season, a tally that has taken him to the top of the Serie A goalscoring table.

Being somewhat diminutive in stature, El Sharaawy is doing his best to emulate the big man, growing his hair to new and architecturally impossible heights. We estimate that he has added a good five inches to the 5ft 10in god gave him, using just hair gel, a factor that is almost certainly contributing to his prowess in front of goal.

Don’t believe us? They’re all bloody at it now. Expect a goal flurry. Or possibly a lucrative contract with Shockwave.

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